What one client asked stopped me dead. Then I knew what to say.
I was called in to speak to a new client, and what he said stopped me dead in my tracks. I was lost for words – and if you’ve met me, you’d know how unusual that is.
What did he say? He said:
“I want to know how to own the room”.
He wanted to walk into a room of top businessmen – and be taken seriously as first among his peers.
Now, I have to admit at that time I didn’t know what to say, because myself – I’ve never wanted to own the room.
Or so I thought. We’ll get to that in a minute.
My client was losing the room to his peer competitors – not being included in the network that makes the big deals move forward. We all know relationships make an impact that no amount of marketing can achieve. He was in the room – the opportunities were nearly there – but he couldn’t network to the next level of success.
Back to the story. What was I going to say – being caught speechless, and all?
I did what I’ve learned to do in twenty years of working with people – I applied my ‘WIIFM’ method, meaning: what’s in it for his target audience? Why should they pay him extra attention, and bring him into their network?
Once he understood their position, he was in a far better position to own the room. A core skill to influence is knowing what people want, and offering it.
And you do it by listening.
Because when I coach people, my belief is you already know the answer. You just might not want to accept it.
This was true of this client. Very quickly, he understood. As he put it, “I’m like a teenager who doesn’t want to clean his bedroom. But I have to clean my bedroom.”
I thought it was really refreshingly honest of him. Which is probably why he was running a top real estate business in Prague. He could embrace reality – and was ready to work with it to reach his objective.
What I learned about what he learned
Meeting him had me thinking about what “owning the room” means. We’ve all met people who can do this – they don’t even need to speak, and it’s there.
There’s a lot more to it than simply flash – showing your Rolex, flexing your traps, or walking into the room with a beautiful woman on your arm.
Owning the room really begins with owning yourself. When you know who you are – the good and the bad – when you play to your strengths and work around your weaknesses.
That’s when you can shine. When you know your audience, and you’ve planned in advance, practiced your reps, then put it into action. You keep doing it until you own the room without any apparent effort. Because the guy who owns the room isn’t trying – the room was won before he walked into it.
You do it with integrity, with a foundation so strong that you can’t be knocked off it.
How I learned to own my room
I learnt how to own the room in my own domain. Outside of coaching founders and CEOs, I’m a performing musician who plays his own songs.
Learning how to do this has been an incredible journey – and not an easy one. Understanding my integrity, confidence, and showmanship so I know how to own a room with just a guitar and a microphone (and sometimes not even the guitar) because I know my audience.
Even before I step on stage, I know all eyes are on me. I know who I am and what I’m bringing to the stage.
The first song has to totally grab them – no tedious slow intros here. There’s the midway point, where people think they know what the rest of the show will be like. That’s when you turn it up another notch and show them why they came.
The finale wraps the entire show up, and the audience are left satisfied but keen to come back for more.
And to do that I’ve put in the reps. I’ve practised time and time again – so I’m ready for that show, and for the ups and downs that can happen on the night. There are always ups and downs, believe me – but I don’t allow the audience to see them.
The encore
Really, it’s not that different to when you want to own the room. You put in the reps, with focussed activity on the skills and information you need for the night. You practice on easy mode, and then practice under pressure, until your performance is smooth and seemingly effortless.
You don’t need to break into song – but all the elements are the same. These are power skills under pressure.
Want to learn how to own your room?
I currently have a few spots open for one-to-one training. Set up a call here: